I Dieci Ordini? (The Ten Commandments?)

Greetings my friends! You may have heard on the news that in the great country of Italy, a gentleman named Salvatore Lo Piccolo was arrested just outside of Palermo, Sicily, on suspicion of Mafia "activity". The police allege that Lo Piccolo inherited the mantle of former Mafia kingpin Bernardo "The Tractor" Provenzano. Provenzano was on the lam for an incredible 43 years, and Lo Piccolo for 20. Perhaps more interesting, however, is that when Lo Piccolo was arrested, in his stylish brown leather briefcase was a list of ten rules, or commandments, by which all good mobsters should live. Yes, mafiosi are not always smiles and sunshine; they do have their serious side too. And, they are apparently bound by ten commandments which include punctuality, avoiding bars and being nice to their wives. Lo Piccolo reportedly carried these with him everywhere he went.

Why, you may ask, does such a list exist? Isn't the essence of Cosa Nostra, according to The Godfather movies--the most accurate depiction of the Family, according to former mobster Sammy "The Bull" Gravano--that honor and gentlemanly behavior reign supreme, to such an extent that no one need even speak of such things?

Well, it seems that some of the oldtimer mobsters haven't been too happy with the youngsters who are climbing the ranks of the Mafia. And according to Mafia experts, these ten commandments reflect a desire to curb licentious or extravagant behaviour seen by old-style Mafia chieftains as "immoral". It is as if Cosa Nostra bosses want to rein in the flamboyant behaviour of the starry-eyed younger mobsters who have joined the organisation in recent years. For example, Trapani boss Matteo Messina Denaro, a Porsche-driving playboy often seen as a rival to Lo Piccolo, reportedly enjoys a semi-mythical status among newer, more ambitious Mafia initiates. Denaro's flagrant behavior suggests that crime definitely does pay, and this is the sort of exposure that Cosa Nostra definitely does not want. Indeed, Michael Corleone must be rolling over in his grave at such indiscretions.

So my friends, here are the Mafia's ten commandments. Conspicuously absent is the Judeo-Christian commandment of, "Thou shalt not kill." I choose to believe that the dons of Cosa Nostra are working on getting that in there too as an addendum or something. The other possibility is that it is "implied", which is a reasonable assumption. But, either scenario works. For me.

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1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.
2. Never look at the wives of friends.
3. Never be seen with cops.
4. Don't go to pubs and clubs.
5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife is about to give birth.
6. Appointments must absolutely be respected.
7. Wives must be treated with respect.
8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.
9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.
10. People who can't be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values.

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Hard to take issue with, isn't it? In fact, the words "organized" or "crime" aren't even mentioned once. Nothing incriminating there. So eat your hearts out, you crooked, bribe-taking, gin-guzzling, cigar-smoking, day-and-night-philandering, sanctimonious Senate-sub-committee-hearing guys. Or...people...uh...members? Eh, you know what I mean. See, now you got me all bothered.

Thank you for reading! Your comments are welcome, and I will be sure to forward them on to Signori Lo Piccolo and Provenzano.

Ciao amici miei!